All We Are (8th Sin Book 2) Read online

  “How long will that hold up?”

  “Two three days at the most since it’s bullshit.”

  He shakes his head. “That’s not going to work.”

  Fuzz agrees. “We should have burnt that place down a long time ago.”

  We both look at him. Nash is obviously thinking the same thing that I am.

  He grabs a shirt out of his dresser throwing it over his head. “Fuzz, you’re fucking brillant.”

  Fuzz watches Nash go around the room. He throws his wallet in his back pocket.

  “How do you feel about going for a ride?” he asks me.

  Forty One

  I stand next to Nash’s bike.

  Nobody is around. It’s a dark desolate stretch of a street and it gives me the creeps.

  And I really wish I had brought a jacket.

  “What’s the plan?”

  He is studying the warehouse. “I am going to go inside, set the place on fire and we are going to leave.”

  “And what do you want me to do?” I can’t believe I am even asking such a thing.

  “Stay here and make sure nobody is coming.” He gives me a quick kiss on the lips and heads to the back.

  I’ve never done anything criminal in my entire life. And I don’t know why I am starting now. I care about Nash and what happens to him. And sometimes things that happen in life don’t happen the fair way. And I think he deserves a shot.

  I see headlights start at the end of the street and my breathing speeds up. I want to run but I know taking off isn’t going to help matters. I pray it’s not the police.

  When they don’t come all the way down I breathe a sigh of relief.

  Nash appears a few minutes later. “Let’s go.”

  I climb on the back of his bike and study the warehouse. It doesn’t look any different than it did when we first got there.

  “Did you do it?”

  “Yes. Now let’s get out of here.” He starts his bike. “Hug me like you love me.”

  I wrap my arms around him and he takes off.

  ***

  I can’t believe he set the warehouse on fire. And now we are across town sitting in a restaurant eating pie. Like two productive members of society we are eating pie.

  Nash smiles. “What?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing.”

  He leans back, the smile on his face getting even bigger. “Why do I get the feeling this turns you on?”

  “Maybe it does.” I admit. “What happens next?” I look around the restaurant.

  “They’ll send someone to clear away the debris and hopefully we can get in there and take care of the rest.”

  “Who will do that?”

  “Eat your pie,” he says, pushing my plate towards me. “You ask too many questions.”

  I cut into my pie thinking about all that would entail—getting rid of bodies. And I look back up at him. “That doesn’t freak you out?”

  “Those guys are there for a reason, if anything, it puts me at ease.” He lifts his fork. “Guys like Ike’s father. Who almost ruined your life. He deserves to be there.”

  “What do you think Ike would think if he knew where his dad really was?”

  Nash bites down on his bottom lip. “Ike would never forgive any of us if he knew the truth about his dad.”

  He lifts the bill on the table. “I’m going to take care of this. Be right back.”

  I watch him walk away, hurrying to steal another bite before we leave. It’s been a long time since I had cherry pie and it’s so good.

  My phone rings. And I answer it, keeping my eyes on Nash.

  “The strangest thing.” Jackson is in my ear. “No more than a couple of hours ago you were begging me to leave the warehouse alone and now I get a call letting me know that the place is burning down.”

  I don’t know what to say.

  Nash pockets his change and starts walking back to me.

  “What is it you think you are doing, Savy?”

  “Like I would burn down a warehouse, Jackson.” I scoff.

  Nash slides into the booth carefully listening to Jackson and I going back and forth.

  “You are hanging around with people more than capable of doing it,” he throws back.

  “Is there anything else you want to say to me? Or are you just calling to accuse me of things that I did not do?” I slide out of the booth. “Because I really have to go.”

  I hit end on my phone not letting him give me an answer.

  “I take it Luckman is aware of the fire.” Nash opens the door for me.

  “Yes and he has every suspicion in his narrow little mind pointing toward us.”

  “Let him.”

  “Oh I did.” I sigh. “I just hope he doesn’t prove more a problem than I ever gave him credit for.”

  Nash climbs on his bike. And I follow after. My mind is racing with every god awful scenario that could pan out.

  At one time Jackson would have done anything for me. Now he feels more like an enemy.

  I hold on tight and Nash takes off. I press my face against his back closing my eyes letting the world fly by me.

  I know what I need to do.

  The only problem is I don’t want to do it.

  Forty Two

  My father has always been a serious man. Strong willed, brash, hard to like but even harder to hate.

  I remember when I was little sitting outside while he raked the leaves on fall days, I would listen to all his words of advice and opinions about everything there was to have an opinion on.

  He always made it a point to ask me what I thought no matter if I was five or fifteen.

  We had a great relationship until the accident—or so I thought.

  One night, when I was around six I remember a big fight my parents had, one that I was sure would end things but it never did. It was the only time I had seen them so angry with each other and I never knew why.

  But now that I am older I really do believe that fight somehow had to do with me. I am starting to think possibly everything argued about in my life had to do with me.

  How could it not?

  My father had a baby with someone else. It made me wonder if he wanted to be a part of my life more than he wanted my mother alive.

  He’d always been an upstanding man, but I can’t help but think if things were different if he would have taken me from her.

  I climb up the stairs and listen to the news coming from the living room. I know he is sitting there in his recliner. I know he is unaware about what I am going to drop on him.

  “Hey, Dad,” I say coming inside. I shut the door and slip off my shoes.

  “Your mother didn’t say you were coming over,” he takes his eyes off the television long enough to look me over. When I passed his assessment he goes back to the television.

  He thinks I am here for my mother.

  “Your mother is sewing some dress for Lilac’s recital,” he says.

  I nod and leave going down the hall to his office. I make sure he is still in his seat and slip inside shutting the door behind me.

  I lock the door so I’m not caught in the act and pull the photo away from the wall. I spin the combination lock and pull the handle but nothing happens.

  It won’t open.

  It’s not opening—I must have did it wrong.

  It’s my mother’s death. The day she died. It doesn’t work when I try it again. And now I am beginning to feel crazy.

  I try it once, twice three more times and nothing.

  I shut it and head for the door.

  He’s standing there when I open it—my dad.

  “What were you doing in my office?”

  I shake my head. “Nothing.” I know that’s a lie. He knows that’s a lie. But there really is nothing else I can say?

  “Savy,” he starts, following my descent down the hallway before I can make a break for it.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. Obviously you caught me.” Now a lecture is heading my wa
y I am sure.

  He grabs my arm and tugs me to a stop. It’s not anything I haven’t been a part of before. He’s quick to react in any situation.

  “I would like an answer, Savy and I would like one right now. What were you doing in my office?”

  I stare down at the grip he has on my arm. “I was looking for something.”

  “For what?” He’s not letting up, not backing down. “What is it you think you are going to find in my office?”

  “I don’t know, maybe the truth.” I huff. I can’t look at him so I concentrate on the spot on the wall where my brother’s basketball hit it one too many times growing up.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “About everything. I want the truth.” I’m looking at him now. “I know that behind my picture in your office that you’re hiding something big.”

  “What are you talking about?” He shakes his head like I am that unbelievable.

  “In that safe. I saw it. Bloody clothes dad, and not just yours, there was a woman’s shirt in there too.” I can feel my lungs constricting. It’s hard to breathe. My mouth is totally void of all moisture now that I have confessed to knowing his deep dark secret.

  I don’t know what to do, I’ve told him the truth and I now he’s just looking at me, like I’m the one who did something wrong—and I know I’m not.

  “What you think you saw, Savy is nothing.” He looks at the ground, drawing in a long breath. “There are some things I never wanted to talk to you about.”

  My whole life he’s not wanted to talk to me about things, things that were important to me, things that mattered. I don’t know what to do but I want an answer and I hope that he’s going to give me one.

  “Did you kill her?”

  It’s the longest minute of my life,waiting for my father to tell me whether or not everything I thought about him has been one big lie, I just want him to put me out of my misery and tell me the truth.

  I deserve that much.

  “What happened, it was an accident. Something I live with every day of my life. I don’t want you to deal with what I do.”

  “Did you kill her?” Why is he skirting around my question?

  “Savy—

  “Did you kill her?” I tug at my hair. “Why can’t you just be honest for once? Just once, prove to me that you are a good father and not this liar that I see you for now!”

  And just like that I got my answer.

  “Yes. I killed her.” It feels like a slap in the face.

  I stumble backwards.

  “I need to get out of here.”

  “Savy.”

  I throw up my hands and shake my head. There is nothing he can say to me to make me feel any better about this—nothing.

  “You killed her… And you lied to me my entire life.” What kind of man, does that?

  “You don’t understand,” he tries to argue. “If you could just sit down and let me explain.”

  “Explain?” I shake my head. “There is nothing you could say to change any of this.”

  I take off for the kitchen, the only thing on my mind is getting away from him and far away from my so called childhood home.

  Away from lies.

  But before I make it to my car I have one more question for him and I go back inside. He’s still standing in the same place.

  “What does Jackson have to do with this?” I cross my arms. “And before you lie to me, I know everything.”

  “Jackson.” He’s angry. “Jackson is the entire problem!”

  “Oh this is great.” I laugh. “Look at you blaming everyone else for your problems.”

  “If not for that man, you would have never known about any of this!” I’ve seen him angry but not this angry. “That man, is nothing but a…

  “Enough.” I go to leave. “If I ever see you again it will be too soon.”

  I pull away when he touches me. “Savy.”

  “You are no father to me. To anyone. And you deserve anything that is coming to you.”

  Forty Three

  “Hey, Savy.” One of Jackson’s workers says when I come into the doors of the shelter.

  I look for him. I know he is here because he wasn’t at the office. And he wasn’t home.

  I make a beeline right to his office and let myself in instead of knocking politely.

  His head shoots up as soon as he sees me and he jumps from his chair startled.

  I don’t even let him say anything. I round his desk and haul off and punch him.

  “What…in the hell!” He holds his nose. “Are you…crazy?!”

  I just might be. “Who do you think you are using me as a pawn in your sick plan to take down my father?!”

  He doesn’t know what the hell happened. I blindsided him.

  “That’s right. I figured it out. You planted that birth certificate in my house that day!” I grab the paperweight off of his desk and hurl it at his head.

  He ducks and grabs me and we fall into the wall.

  “Was this entire thing a game to you?” I’m out of breath. I get away from him. “Was it?”

  “I did this for Lee!” His face is red, he tugs at his tie. “I did all of this for him…and you!”

  “You’re nothing but a liar!”

  “You weren’t the one who had to see that man go through hell because of your father! Someone had to do something.”

  So he uses me as a means to an end. “So you ruin my life to get back at him. Thank you for that!”

  “I would never want to hurt you, Savy. And I think you know as well as I do that you don’t want to live a lie. I know enough about you to know you would never want that.” He slams his hands down on his desk. “And you’re never going to believe me now that you are mixed up with them.”

  Them. That seems funny to me now. “They were the only people not fucking me over. The only people not out to cover their ass. Or get what they want,” I snap, I shove some papers off of his desk and leave.

  A little bit of weight is lifted. But there still is this devastating crack in my soul.

  I climb in my car, start it up and drive, the tears don’t help me see where I am going but I just want to get to Nash. I need him because he knows how to make me feel better.

  Forty Four

  Seeing Nash standing at the door when I get out of my car is quite possibly the best thing I’ve laid eyes on. I need him right now.

  And I never understood how much until this day. He’s that thing that makes me feel good. He makes me feel right.

  I walk up the stairs and just look at him. Tears are still falling, I’m sure my face is all red and splotchy and there is probably snot coming from my nose but I don’t care.

  “Before you say anything I just want to get this all out…” I take a big breath, he’s just standing in front of me waiting for me to say whatever I need to say to him. “I think I love this…I love how I feel when I am with you. I think what I feel every time I am with you is love. You’re the one who makes me feel okay and I never want that to stop.” I sob like a baby right there on his porch steps.

  I drop my head.

  And his hand comes down on my shoulder. And I look up at him. “Is that bad?”

  He looks at me in a way nobody has ever looked at me before. “No. That’s not bad.”

  I wipe my nose against the back of my arm and laugh. “And now you think I am crazy right?” I sit down on the steps. I am so stupid. I have hardly got to know him. Of course he doesn’t feel the same way.

  “I think your phone is ringing.” He comes down the steps and stands in front of me. “Why are you crying?”

  I pull my phone out of my pocket. It’s Jackson and I don’t ever want to talk to him again. I throw my phone across the porch. “I’m crying because my whole life has been one big fat lie. And my dad has finally admitted it.”

  So it’s the least Nash could do is tell me that I mean something to him. It would be the best thing I ever heard. And I don’t care how that makes me seem
.

  He looks at my phone at the end of his porch and back at me. I look away because I’m a big mess. And a little embarrassed now that he is acknowledging all the crazy I just tossed at him.

  “I love this too. All of it. The moments when I feel totally out of control, the moments when I wish I was with you instead of wherever I am.” He reaches for me and I grab his hand. He pulls me up. “I love it all…every part of it.”

  He smiles and it makes me smile. He cleans up my face, shaking his head at me. “You look like you were ditched on prom night.” We both laugh.

  “Can you please kiss me already before I explode?” I smile again, and he presses his lips into mine, holding my face in his hands. It’s the best kiss I’ve ever had, because for once everything behind it means something that I never thought I would feel.

  Nash releases me and we stand there staring at each other trying to think of what to do or say now that we both admitted we have a hell of a lot of feelings for each other.

  There are moments in life that you never see coming and this is one of them. Two tiny blinks, the rush of eyelashes, the world goes from okay to not okay just like that.

  That’s how quick everything changes. I know as soon as I hear Ike’s voice behind Nash.

  “Please don’t,” I whisper.

  Nash looks into my eyes trying to figure out what is going on, he sees the fear. He spins around and sees what I’m seeing—Ike.

  “You out of all people I trusted. Tell me this is all a lie.”

  I start down the stairs and grab hold of Nash’s arm trying to protect him. Ike has a gun and I can see in his eyes just how undone he has become.

  I try to make him see that what he is about to do is not the right thing. “Ike, please don’t do this. Let us explain.”

  And he starts laughing at me. “What could there be to say? My best friend, my partner in crime, killed my old man and hid it from me my entire life.” He screams, losing it right there in front of us, slamming the gun into his own head. “Tell me you didn’t lie to me about this!”